Sometimes I see so many things in life, it’s difficult to decide. My heart wants this, my heart wants that…. but at the end of the day we can only choose one thing at a time. Maybe travelling is my way to have it all, and avoid the courage it takes to choose one thing in life. But when we don’t choose one thing, something is chosen for us anyway.
This morning, the snow still remains but the sky is blue. The sun kisses the clouds pink, as it rises into another day. But it’s not just another day for me, I leave and go to France. This is my seventh time back there, and I always visit the same place. I want to live there, but after years of trying to force it I’ve stopped trying.
Sometimes we are broken up into little parts… and each part wants something different. The desire to be successful, the desire to be loved, the desire to be at peace… being lost is when all these desires point in different directions. But it’s nothing to worry about, it’s just a good time to remember that no desire is greater than you.
You stop and breathe, calm down. The only thing that requires your attention is this very moment. When our desires are greater than us, then we believe that we need something to be happy. But when we are greater than our desires, we know that happiness can only come from a decision that we make despite the circumstances.
I’m sitting and looking at the most beautiful view, that I’ve seen a few mornings now. A softly curving hill covered in snow, and near the top is one leafless tree. It stands there, as if it’s a grandmother taking care over everything within her purview. Standing up straight, dozens of arms reaching up to the sky. I guess soon it will hold colourful little blossoms in its many hands.
There is so much beauty, quiet and calm around me… yet I still choose to be sad and I still choose to put my head under the covers and worry. But that’s okay, it’s human nature. I smile to myself eventually, and remember that I can decide differently.
The heart loves to long for things. It loves to feel all emotions, joyful or not, but it cannot see. It’s not meant to lead, it needs to be led. The beauty of being lost is when your heart is so loud that you forget to look around. But consider this: if you open your eyes and decide to lead your life… then all the parts of you who may be longing for something different can be assured that their needs will be met. Maybe the view will be different after you take the next step.
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