Many times as an adult I’ve had to start again. I’ve quit a relationship, a job or a country and decided to start new. As such, I have become really comfortable with putting myself out there and meeting new people. But it took a little time and effort at the start. These days I don’t have to put much effort in.
It all started when I got divorced and found that I had totally isolated myself from any kind of social life outside the relationship. So in Australia, I had to figure out how to make friends as an adult… which felt incredibly awkward at first. A few years later, I moved to Singapore to live and had to figure out not only how to navigate a new culture but also how to make friends in a new country. Over the course of four years there, I ended up making some amazing friends and beautiful memories at the same time. Then, when I left Singapore and moved to France… it was the middle of the pandemic and I had to face new challenges. Different language, different culture, empty streets and rules limiting social interactions… it was probably the biggest challenge of my life (so far). But now, I come back to France regularly to see the close friends that I made during that difficult period in my life.
In every situation, I have learned that there is one magical place that can really help to make new friendships and develop existing ones… and that’s cafes. No matter where I am, I always find a café to go to, and it makes me feel that I’ve found a little home wherever I am. Even places where I have not stayed for very long, like the south of England, Cardiff, Prague, Shanghai, Taipei… I always find a magic little café which makes my time there a little less lonely.
These are places where people come together for the same purpose: to drink good coffee, have good conversation and for me, to get a good dose of caffeine into my day. If you go to a café regularly enough, the staff will get to know your name, your story… and if you don’t connect with other customers yourself, then they can be the facilitator. You meet people in these magical little places that you wouldn’t otherwise meet, and sometimes… you might just meet the person that you were looking for.
I have met people who’ve given me job opportunities, travel ideas, mediums who have given me readings and people who’ve now become very close friends. Of course, if you’re open enough then you can make friends from any situation. All you need is a click, that moment of recognition when you can look at the other person and say: you’re one of me.
It’s true that many times it’s difficult to take a chance to talk to someone, out of fear of rejection. But over the years, I’ve become less worried about that too. I’ve learned that confidence is only a muscle, and sometimes your muscles need to hurt in order to get stronger. If you keep going, then you will find that most people just need a little time to open up. At first, you may feel the balance is not in your favour… but eventually, you’ll learn to see friends as something you can choose rather than something that you need to be chosen for.
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