Today, I started packing. I’m about two weeks early… but I felt that I wanted to finish it now, so that I could spend the last days here with the people I care about the most. I always find the packing process so interesting, even though I’ve probably done it a hundred times now. It really makes me think about what I want to let go of in my life up until now… and the consideration goes deeper than just material things.
These last few weeks have dug up feelings in me that I thought I was finished with. I found myself feeling insecurities from the past or reacting to certain things or people in a strange way… it has made me realise that perhaps I have some emotional baggage that would be better to drop. The question is, how do we do this?
I can’t tell you how many ways in which I have tried to let go of something. I will walk around it, jump over it, but rarely will I move through it. But the thing is, as Robert Frost says, “the only way out is through.” And sometimes the only way through is doing that thing that you don’t really want to do. The thing that you’re scared of.
It is very similar to sorting through old luggage and deciding what you want to keep or what you want to throw. Making the choice to throw something out is not always easy, especially if you attach your hopes and worth to a particular object. I’ve learned that the same is true for emotions which weight us down.
Luckily, I think I have an inner reflex which helps me to express my emotions eventually. It leaves me feeling vulnerable, and perhaps looking like an idiot. If we take this risk with the full knowledge that we are all human beings doing our best, then idiocy begins to look like courage. We never know what fears someone has to face, what emotional baggage they are throwing off, when they take a particular action or say particular words.
As I’m packing my bag, it’s something I like to keep in mind. So that I can respect the journey of others, but also so that I can close my eyes and continue my own journey without letting judgment hold me back.
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