Today, I have spent my day missing yesterday. It’s not very productive I know, but it happens. I was meant to go out and see France yesterday, but instead I went to Italy and returned only very late at night. I had the most fun I’ve had in a long time, I have to admit. I went with someone who had always been physically present around my life in France but who I’d never gotten to know. Getting to know him more has proved to me that magical things do happen in life sometimes.
The day started off sunny and warm, so we took the motorbike and rode east. The view by the sea always amazes me on the way to Italy. The nature in these parts looks a little wild, unlike the smooth green hills of north-western France. Here, the coastline sticks out, like teeth affectionately biting into the Mediterranean, The green and orange of the ragged cliffs somehow bring out the yellow of the sun being reflected in the water. The contrast of this view simply makes you pause, breathe and smile.
But I only got the chance to look at it in little pockets. The wind was strong yesterday, and it pushed against my head with a bit more force than I expected. I was afraid that by holding myself in position, pushing myself in close to his back, I would build up tension in the muscles of my neck. But somehow, I managed to stay relaxed. I felt that he knew what he was doing, and as long as I didn’t get blown away, then all would be well.
It wasn’t long before we reached San Remo, a small town by the seaside. I have been to this town before, it has beautiful old streets and a lovely market, but today was the first time I ate by the sea. I have to say, it felt like a dream. We found a place in a restaurant by the marina and each ordered pasta and a salad to share. Even though it was simple, it was delicious. I understood at that moment why a lot of my French friends don’t eat much for breakfast. It’s a habit that I have picked up in recent days, and I discovered that this habit only makes lunch taste even more delicious. Especially when you are having great conversation in Italy, laughing, and mixing up French, English and the few words you know in Italian.
I will remember this moment: feeling the sun on my skin, tasting the saltiness of the pasta, and looking at the smile of the person sitting across from me. He has a wonderful smile. I felt very relaxed, and that was not only because of the wine. Some people make you feel that it’s okay to be seen for who you are. Somehow their own story hides silently in the background, even though you know it’s there, as they keep you centre-stage.
In these last few days, I have realised that all my life I have been waiting for someone to see me the way he does. But I need not have waited. I’ve learned from my short time with him that it’s okay to trust self-recognition, unvalidated by another. Sometimes when you are unafraid to reveal yourself, then the other person learns to adore their own reflection within you.
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