For the first time in a long time today I felt inspired to go out and take some photographs. Well, not quite. I felt inspired to go out and get snacks, but somewhere between my front door and the grocery store, I decided that I’d take a detour. I went up to the Chateau again, and around to the Roubion river which runs through the middle of Montelimar. It was calm along the river, which was uninteresting and plain. Long blades of grass swept sideways with the gentle breeze, clear water frothing white against large stones on the riverbed and the soft tinkle of bells from the goats and sheep grazing nearby. I walked along the riverside for a little while before turning back into the streets of the old town to get my snacks.
It’s always a little strange, when I go out to take photographs, especially in a new place. It’s an exercise where I practice the art of not overthinking. I tell myself that I must simply stop and capture whatever I find interesting, even if I will look at it later and be disappointed. There is an art to it, which means that it is also like therapy. I let my natural instinct guide me on which turns to make and which angles to take, which helps to bring me back in connection with who I truly am.
After a month of not taking any photographs, I tend to walk past a locations which I think would be interesting… because I am scared of what people will think of me. The cars driving by, the pedestrians walking past, or someone sitting down in the street having a smoke. If I could tell you my best talent, it would be that of knowing when I’m being watched. I can feel someone’s eyes on me, even if they are standing behind me. Doing a walk around for photographs helps me to release the grip that other people’s opinions have on me sometimes.
It’s normally because I assume that I am a complete nuisance to everyone whose path I cross. That’s me. Always trying to stay within the rules, never trying to make much noise, cleaning up after myself so that someone may never even realise that I was there. I only leave traces of my existence around people whose love I am sure of, and it takes me a while to be sure. That’s why photography opens me, because it allows me to take up my own space without needing anything from anyone else.
It allows me to watch as a silent observer, but also to be seen recording my own perspective. It helps me share my eyes with those who may never get the chance to look into them. Maybe it even lets people see from my eyes. I find that a useful thing to do in this world, to allow other people to see through my eyes. You see, I have this habit of seeing beauty in places and people. If I get the chance to take a photo of someone, I am certain that I could help them see the beauty that rests within themselves.
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