These days, I am still having intense dreams which disturb my sleep. Although I am happy during the day, at night when the mind rests, the worries I try to ignore come back to me. It feels like a trap that I cannot escape from sometimes… but today, I was reminded of something: it all worked out before, and it will all work out again.
It all started when I took a walk down memory lane… well, it was actually a country road. The road I used to walk down with the little dog I was looking after when I stayed in Ardeche almost two years ago. I walked through the same house again, I met the same couple who welcomed me so generously into their lives before… and I had a wonderful lunch today with members of their family. I felt so honoured and lucky to be there… amongst all these good people. We sat on the terrace, covered by a white umbrella which let the warmth of the sun gently touch the table. Surrounded by greenery and the flowers of spring, the food and the wine flowed out slowly but surely.
We arrived close to one in the afternoon and left at six. That’s a French lunch for you, five hours. They have an elegant way of eating here. It lasts a long time, so that you leave the table feeling content but not over full. The conversation keeps a low hum, like the little insects that were buzzing from flower to flower around us, collecting pollen. It continues well after the table is full of empty glasses and plates. French is getting a little easier for me understand, although it still requires a lot of concentration for me. The perfect preparation for a good sleep tonight.
At the end of it all, we walked together, down the mountain to the little village. The walk was slow and we would often pause to talk about the view, the various plants by the side of the road or what was happening in the village in general. At one moment, we stopped at a view that I always used to walk to when I lived there. I still remember, it was winter at that time and first thing in the morning I’d put in my boots, put my big coat over my pyjamas and put the kettle on. Then I’d walk out into the cold, breathing steam into the air, and walk a few steps from the front door to see the view of the valley.
If I got up early enough to watch the sunrise, I would enjoy a masterpiece of pink, orange, purple, blue… the layers of mountains overlapping out into the distance appearing like layers of a cake. I was certainly eating the view up with my eyes. I’d stare out into the distance before it got cold enough to have need of warming my hands with a hot cup of tea. Sometimes in the evening I’d do the same, I take the little dog out for a walk down the road and pause to take in the view. In the evening, the sky looked a little different. The colours would be softer, and the moon would appear like a bright white circle nestled in a purple sky.
As we continued to walk down, I was asked by one of my friends: do you recognise this? But in French they use the word reconnais, which I think is more beautiful. It seems to come from the verb connaître, which means to know something, as in to be familiar with it like you’d be familiar with a close friend. So when they say reconnais in French, it doesn’t mean to simply recognise something… it means to re-know it. Of course, I recognised the road but at that moment, I was also knowing it again as a new person.
Years ago, I was so worried about things that are not even important to me anymore. As I walked down that road again, I began to realise that I would feel the same way about my current worries in the future. I began to re-know the moment, and it reminded me that life always works out, one way or the other. It caused me to ask myself, could I accept that I’d be better off trusting my enjoyment of the present moment than worrying about the future?
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