I have been worrying these days. My mind is trying to convince me that my life is not good enough, it’s not interesting enough to share. Whenever I feel bad about myself, I know that there is just a fear underneath. A way in which I am trying to protect myself. It strikes me that I am afraid of giving my life away. I think that every writer who is passionate about their work always writes from the heart, and perhaps this is why it takes a long time sometimes to produce something. We hesitate, because we know that when we let others see inside our heart that the response we get will necessarily affect us. And the response we get from others is outside of our control.
It seems better therefore to hide behind the fog of fiction. A thick mist which moves over a certain reality behind it, obscuring the view and changing it moment by moment. Fiction teaches us that regardless of the appearance, the truth still resides underneath. I think of Neil Gaiman again, who said truth is not in what happens but what it tells us about who we are. Fiction is the lie that tells the truth. I couldn’t agree more. When I think back to the range of books that I’ve read, it’s always the fictional books that stay with me. There is something in the structure of a story, with characters and a plot, that conveys so much more than just an accurate account of someone’s life.
It’s for this reason that the chapters I will be writing and sharing will be fictional. Loosely based on my life and my experience of course, but the ways in which it is true and the ways in which it is false will remain unknown. My memory of the last 8 years is so hazy anyway, that regardless of my research I am sure that I will get some details wrong. The more important thing, that will be accurate, is to convey what it is that I have learned in this time. The vehicle is not important, because when we read we always put ourselves in the driver’s seat anyway. One of the main reasons why I write is because I know that within every story there is a mirror, and the only question is whether we are ready to see our reflection or not.
I think good writers are unafraid to use their pen to enter a life that is different in appearance to their own. They know that the essence of a story is what is important and not the façade. I’d like to think that I could practice being a good writer too, and enter into a different world that shares the same life lessons as me. One word at a time, one page at a time and one chapter at a time… the reader and the writer exploring things together.
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