The thing I love about living in my hometown is the slower pace of life, and the way that I feel so far away from all the action that’s happening in the world. It’s just not the same anywhere else. Before, I found it to be a little stale and boring, but now I find that it gives me a lot of peace. Over here, people appreciate the peace that we can only find first thing in the morning. I get up at a time I think is early, before the sun rises, but when I walk outside I see that some people have already finished their morning run or swim. I feel proud of the place where I was born and the people in it. Even the people who immigrate here from another country catch on to the easy going way of life. I think there is something in the air or the water here that relaxes people, at least near the coast. Wherever you go you see blue and white, whether it’s from the ocean and the sand, or the vast blue sky and wispy white clouds. When I come back to Australia, I get a break from the world and it re-energises me and refreshes me more than I know.
Travelling around has helped me to appreciate where I come from, and the values that I grew up with. I always used to think that I was so different from the Australians who surrounded me, because when I was younger I was so focused on the contrast. But now that I’ve met lots of people from different countries, I can see that there are a few things that join Aussies together. The desire to live well, inside and out, and to live in any way that you please. It’s not perfect of course, there are problems here and not everyone has such a comfortable life… but when I see the problems the rest of the world is facing, I realise very quickly that Australia is truly the lucky country. Strangely enough, it doesn’t make me want to stay and make a life here though. I feel like now, with all my new found appreciation of my home country, I want to pack some of it in a bag and share it with other people that I meet. I have a strong feeling to go and be Australian somewhere else in the world.
For so many years, because I wasn’t able to fit in here, I went travelling around searching for the right place for me. Somewhere that felt like home. Maybe that’s why when I travelled, I would always be more interested in learning things about the lifestyle there. I was trying countries on like clothes. And just like changing outfits, my personality changed too. In some countries I would stray so far from who I truly was that it was disorienting… and although it was a great experience, there are some places I wouldn’t want to go back to again. Some places felt like there was a piece of me already waiting there, so I could reunite with it. But after a while that feeling would fade and I’d become uncomfortable again. I’d be acutely aware that I was a stranger in someone else’s land, and there was simply no way I could fit in. I’d grown up with different experiences, spoke their language with an accent or not at all, and it would always be pointed out to me that I was a foreigner from Australia. By leaving the place where I was born, I kept being forced to link myself with it rather than dissociate myself.
When people see my face, they only see an Australian. They want someone who drinks a lot, someone who goes to the beach every day and loves to surf, someone who fits the stereotype. For a while, leaving my country actually pressured me to fit into this box. I would try to explain that my parents immigrated there, that I grew up feeling very out of place because my family was very different from the families of my friends, that I was more like a stranger in my home country… but after a while I gave in. It’s amazing how giving into something, stopping the fight, actually helps you start the journey towards reuniting all the pieces of who you are. In a way, we all feel a bit alienated and displaced, even in the countries where we are born. It made me realise that the separation of the world into countries, with all our languages, all our history and wars, and all our flags and patriotism… it’s a human made construct. The differences, although they do exist, are small in comparison to the similarities. Most people like to focus on the differences, and I understand why: it’s alluring and exotic. Someone who is very different from us on the outside can seem like a walking adventure into the unknown. Some of us like the mystery, some of us find the apparent difference hostile, but what I’ve seen is that this difference is only ever superficial.
Every single person I’ve met has wanted the same thing. Whether it’s a taxi driver in Malaysia, or in Germany, we all want to beat the traffic jam and get to our destination. And when we are stuck, we all get frustrated and we all try to deal with that frustration in the best way we can. We all want peace, and happiness, not just for a select few but for all… it’s just that we disagree on the way to get there. I’ve seen that the instinct to protect can seem noble and good at first, but eventually it becomes destructive. People start killing in the name of protecting those they love. The instinct to be curious and open, on the other hand, is regarded by many as naïve and weak. But the thing about being truly open is that you are not out to prove anything. You know that the world is full up of people who seem different on the outside, but you know that the outside is always deceiving. What’s important is what is on the inside. And you cannot know what’s inside people unless you take the time to approach them slowly, with curiosity instead of bold expectation. That’s somehow what ended up happening to me with the people who belong to the very country where I was born. Instead of focusing on how the differences separate us, I can now see how differences can draw us closer together.
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