Beauty is Something We Share

This was originally published on 13 February 2023 on my blog called The Anchor Within (theanchorwithin.blog). 

I came across a Kurdish proverb recently… “A heart in love with beauty never grows old.” It reminded me of another saying I was taught in Basel one time, when I met a group of wonderful people who taught me a little about Kurdish culture. Apparently, when someone says you are beautiful, the response goes something like “but you are only seeing your own beauty in me.” I loved that, because it is so true. Beauty is something we share, not something we own. Let me tell you more about how I met them.

One summer, I was lucky enough to have a friend of mine invite me to Basel. I met this gorgeous soul while learning French in Antibes, and we hit it off very quickly. While I was staying with her, she took care of me completely. Thinking back, it felt like a whirlwind. It was so clear that she knew her city well. What’s more, music is a part of her soul, so she gave me (what I would like to bet is) the coolest tour of Basel ever. I met many musicians and enjoyed lots of performances, in addition to enjoying the natural beauty that Switzerland has to offer. I was also introduced to Kurdish culture and music, as this is part of the background that makes up my wonderfully interesting and beautiful friend.

I remember one night we were walking the streets of Basel city. It was drizzling, and actually a little chilly for a summer night. The dim, moody lighting was so typical of many historic towns in Europe. Yellows and oranges radiated from the street lamps, bringing out the beautiful textures in the walls… marks of a long life that could only have accumulated with age. These buildings claim their beauty, instead of needing to strive towards any particular form… much like what I see in all the women I admire. We finally reached a bar, which seemed to contain the complete opposite within. It was bright, lots of colourful lights, and very occupied.

We went inside to get a drink, but before we could, my friend seemed to have run into one of her friends. To this day, I’m not sure if we met as a coincidence or if it was planned. This lady was immediately so welcoming, buying me a drink and before I could properly say thank you, we were already outside joining a group of others. They all spoke Kurdish and Swiss German, so I was a bit lost, but yet I felt completely at ease. They used the English words they knew, and luckily my friend and the lady who’d bought my drink were able to translate the rest. This was the table where I learned the saying I referred to at the beginning. I felt happy, being surrounded by all these beautiful people… I would be honoured to believe that they were a reflection of the beauty I had in myself.

Towards the end of the night, another lady joined the table but only for a short period of time. As soon as I saw her, honestly, I think I fell in love. I thought she was incredibly beautiful. She looked like she knew exactly who she was. A strong, beautiful lady who definitely seemed like an artist. I later came to know that this was true.

It turns out that the group of people I spent that evening with, were actually part of a Kurdish music group. I got the opportunity to see them again at their studio. It was amazing and I felt so welcomed… but also a little intimidated, because these were real musicians. I could feel it. They may or may not have had formal training, but they could all sense the soul of music and flow with it. I had learned guitar in high school, so I thought I’d take a chance.

They put a guitar in my hand and said play, so I played a solo that I knew. After I started playing, they started to play along with me, each with different instruments in their hands. I didn’t realise that this was going to happen… and then it dawned on me, that I had never experienced before the way in which making music brings people together. Wow, I had spent so many years learning how to play the guitar… and yet for all that time, I had completely missed the point! They were not able to get in my flow, because I was not feeling the music. I was just playing it.

I felt embarrassed, and went completely red. I had literally turned into a lobster (wanting to climb into a hole somewhere), in this sea of beautiful, graceful, musical mermaids (and mermen!). I stopped playing, took a breath and then gave it another go. I was in a room full of people who wanted to know me, not people who wanted to judge me by my skills.

I started playing some chords, a little combination I had put together as a teenager. During my teen years, I preferred to play guitar on my own – where I could be myself, have fun and let the guitar soothe all of my teenage worries. In this room… it was like I found the missing piece. As I strummed, I remembered the real meaning of music. Something which I had not discovered before, because I was always so pre-occupied with performance in my life. Music is similar to beauty, it is something that we share and we do not really own.

I was later taught how to play the tembur – a beautiful stringed instrument that I could play by feeling, not by notes on a sheet (by the way, a little confession – I could never read sheet music in school anyway!) The beautiful lady, who I’d met at the end of that evening in Basel city, she organises and teaches people in this group. Part of the reason why I felt comfortable to play is because she was there in the room. I felt that she did not judge me at all and in fact, I felt that she wanted me to be free from judgment. That afternoon, what I was feeling was a little bit of magic.

In my trip to Basel, I had many wonderful experiences. But the most special aspect of it was the time I got to spend with my friend. I loved learning about who she was as a person. Not just going to visit the touristic places, but to actually get to know her Basel. To get to know the parts of her who were Swiss, and the parts of her who were Kurdish, and the parts of her who were simply, and uniquely, just… her.

I’ve travelled around for a little bit in the last 7 years, and I had finally learned that day that it’s not the places you go but the people you meet who change your life.

I am so very grateful for my beautiful friend, and for this group of wonderful souls I met.