I had bad dreams last night, and I woke up not knowing where I was. Sometimes it happens like this, and it took me a little while to remember what was happening in my life. Have you ever been going through a period of change so big that you forget what your life is? That was me today. Even though everything is great, and the changes have been wonderful… I felt a little lost and out of touch. There are a few places I go to when I feel like this.
Firstly, I go to the supermarket. No matter where you are, supermarkets always tend to look the same. They stock similar looking products, provide a range of similar looking vegetables and fruit… it’s how I have grounded myself as I’ve been travelling around. Another place I go to is nature. Within nature there is always history, and somehow it brings me a sense of calmness. Today I went to a café by a big park, and sat down to have a coffee. I sat there, without a laptop, phone or other person facing me and just looked out. I suppose that I would have looked weird, but I kept breathing until I felt at ease again.
I then went for a walk, down a few streets and up a steep hill, to the chateau of Montelimar. From the top, the view is wonderful. There is something about looking down from a height that helps you to remember: everything will be okay. I caught my breath for a little while as I took in the view. Little red roofs tapering out into the distance, until all that I could see was layers of green. The green of the forest, building up to the mountains in the distance. They were so far away that they looked like a rippling shadow. The clouds were grey, but not threatening.
I walked down the side of the castle wall, speckled with brown, grey and the green of moss growing between the cracks that had given way over time. It loomed large over me, and I thought what I always do every time I see a building like this… I wonder how they managed to build it so well that it still stands today? Of course naturally, we forget that keeping a castle like this in great shape takes a little bit of attention and maintenance too. But nonetheless, it is impressive.
I started down the path that leads into the gardens and behind the castle walls. It’s often surprisingly easy to walk around such historic places in France. It always gives me the chills when I do, because I wonder about what went on in those spaces. Life must have been so difficult, without heaters or any of the comforts that we have today… were their minds preoccupied with the worries of physical safety? Or did they have time to give attention to emotional matters that seem to trouble so many people these days?
Was there ever someone who walked in the same footsteps as I walked today, who also felt a little weary and lost? What would they have done? It helps me to feel that my problems are not new, there are many who have experienced the same before me. If they could survive it, then I could too. I walked through a big stone archway and noticed that it led back to the streets of the town.
Before I left the castle, I stopped and turned around to take in the sight for a little longer. I was standing in a spot where many periods of time had passed, like layers of a cake folding over one another. Maybe the thoughts of people before me still lingered in the air. Maybe, if I was still for a little longer, I could catch one of those thoughts and it would soothe me. Maybe it would tell me that everything was going to work out… because it always does.
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