Today is a rainy day, and although I am not able to enjoy the town as much as I’d like to I am somehow grateful for the bad weather. The rain always gives me an excuse to do what I needed to do anyway – rest. After my time in the south east I had lost a lot of sleep, and exhausted myself, especially in the last ten days. Montelimar has given me a pause, a moment of peace to be by myself and recover. The rain is also a good excuse to reflect, and I have been thinking about the moment my journey started.
I left Australia full of ideas, ready to try anything and everything. I always know that my plans end up changing, but somehow I take each first step in the same way. I say to myself – I am going to put myself into this 100%. Nowadays, I don’t doubt myself as much and so I am able to exhaust my 100% quickly in order to discover if something is for me or not. I don’t look back on my failed attempts with shame as much as I used to, and instead I am proud of myself because one things is true: I give everything a crack at least once. I try to convince myself that it’s better than just sitting in my bed and not trying anything at all.
I left Australia thinking that I would take videos for a travel blog, but when I arrived in Taiwan I realised that this was more technical than I thought. However, I fell in love with photography… I started again to have dreams. Maybe I could do something with photography. After all, I have spent too much of my life going after things that I did not like but seemed practical. This year I promised myself that I would make my life about something that I loved, no matter how impractical it seemed at first. I then went to Europe… and this challenged my idea of photography. I liked the challenge, and the change in pace that Switzerland and rural France gave me.
But then… I arrived on the cote d’azur. There is something special about this part of the world. There is an energy there that is both restless and relaxing. I did not eat much, and instead I was fuelled on caffeine and the swinging of my emotions. I started my days with every intention to continue my photography, and all the inspiration was there… but it did not work. It was blocked. So I turned my attention elsewhere.
I got to know new people, and I tied up loose ends. My mind always goes deeply into the nature of relationships while I’m there, and I had little energy for much else. Close friends, acquaintances and lovers took up my time. I held onto my writing like it was the edge of a cliff that kept me from falling. In the end, it took me where I needed to go and the inspiration started coming back… but my time was up.
Now I have returned back to the slow pace of the countryside in France, where no one knows me. Photography has come back and writing has remained by my side. My plans have changed. The travel vlog has been put on hold indefinitely. This is life. Pieces of a chess board moving around without players.
You try to figure it out and pretend you know the next move, but the truth is that things work themselves out. Rather than see yourself as the master, it may be better to put yourself on the board and take the point of view of one of the pieces. Live each moment fully and see what it offers you, then take the next step. This is what I’m doing anyway… and your guess is as good as mine. Let’s see what these next few months bring.
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